Don't mess with the cops here

Once upon a time when I was in the Middle East,  I caused quite a stir with all these arab chicks here walking without my shirt through Umm Al Quwain(Name of a town not A JAMIE OLIVER DISH) I thought that I was creating this stir and being followed by all these nuns in black(could even have been suic.... mad women for all i know) and maybe their men are also always covered up so they could just have been a bit man hungry, but and this is a BIG BIG but(BUT) alas they were not following me, they were pointing me out to the polisie.


Now you dont want to f... with the polisie here. They dress like soldiers and act like soldiers and they speak no english. Conversation went like this (me) Salaam Muleikem (Polisie) Salaam fzfsrtdhhhsdyys bgtahhsust jjyststss............ and that was it convesration over. Of course non of the suicide nuns following could speak english (or afrikaans ) eitherso I sat down on a rock and watched this animated conversation going on between the nuns and the polisie. Thank heavens I dont smoke anymore because I could have done apack of twenty during this chit chat.

Finally the polisie made me put my shirt on and wrote me a ticket(this was also in arabic) so i did not have a clue what it was and all he said to me(that I understood) was Jabal Ali(A town near me)

Then they all left. It was like being at a boks vs lions match and opening my eyes and I was alone...weird stuff

So, next day I went to Jebal Ali with my ticket and went nervously to the jabal ali polisie stasie.

Seventeen cops is jalebas all sitting behind a desk area made for 4 and all waiting for me one adventurous dutchmen(adopted jew-thanks SK) facing them. Golda Meier and old one eye would have been proud of me. It was like the battle of Masada.


I plucked up(No plucked not f....)my courage, steeled my girth, flexed my muscle, and said in my loudest and most agressive voice.....WIE DE FOK IS IN BEHEER HIER MANNE!


Well you could have bowled me over, they all except for the last jelebah standing immediatelt left and went outside to do their work and the poor shivering snot nosed little snivelled cur behind the desk started babbling away as if I had struck him down and kept saying something like jeffe jeffe xchhghd cbdgdhshyevcf bjsgdayn1


i spun around and you will never never guess what was behind me. This massive photo next to the Sheikh of Abu dhabi, the sheikh of Dubai and the sheikh of Ras al Kheimah was  aphoto of the new head of the armed forces for the whole of the UAE sheikh bubblegum something, AND he looked just like MOI with his white beard and they thought I was him


Now I have been known to rise to the occassional occasion, and I steeled my girth once more, flexed my muscle (Remember at my age their is only one muscle left) and looked old snivel nose in the eye, reached into my pocket which really scared the poor brace polisieman and took out my ticket


I leaned over the counter

I gave him the ticket and whispered in his ear....him leaning forward to hear me....


i said...........



"jou fokken dom poepal, skeer heirdie ding op of ek gaan my finger in jou gat steek, jou belly button gryp in you inmekaar trek"



He took the ticket, tore it up and winking at me said "Ja Baas"

eeeish
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